Christmas Eve

The apples are out in full force again. Everywhere I go, apples, apples, apples. 

Since my activity with my students fizzled out due to software issues, I asked them about Christmas in China and showed them photos of winter in Iowa/Wisconsin. 

I asked them what gifts I should get the teachers. 

When it came to the Japanese teacher, my students blurted out that I should give him a Chinese flag. 

I blurted out that the suggestion was offensive. 

With so much hatred in my students, sometimes it's hard not to imagine them easily hating me. All the government has to do is encourage it, and they would. 

I think I'll get him a coffee cup or something. I can't imagine how hard it would be to be in a country that is told to actively hate you. 

As for my students, I will try harder to suggest they go to Japan and see what it's like for themselves.

End of the World

Tomorrow, my students tell me, is the end of the world, and Saturday is the day to eat dumplings to have long lives. 

They are still required to come to class tomorrow. 

On a side note, everything with the department has worked out for the best- I am teaching my students still and hurray I am teaching my students still and I will not have to leave and my contract will not be broken by either party hurray. 

Problems

I've been having a lot of problems with the program here recently. I've tried not to talk about them, because I don't want this blog to be a downer. My policy is to let the little things go. 

But now I'm seriously considering leaving if things do not change. 

The downsides of the situation are that I'm being asked to work time and a half but being paid for time, I feel like my TA is acting on her own and that I'm not getting any help from her, and the department, which promised to pay me monthly for the writing classes that I volunteered to teach, has yet to pay me for any of the extra classes I'm teaching. None of my original cries of help have been responded to, so I'm forced to write a letter which is angry but to the point. 

They forced me to do this last semester, last year. It was too much work, too much grading. I nearly broke. That was with the movie class, too. This upcoming semester I'll also be teaching the writing course. I can't do it. Not for this pay. It's not worth it. It's just not... doable. At least with extra pay it's a feeling of, "well, I'm getting paid for these extra courses". Next semester it would be, "I got paid for this course... last semester".

Many people tell me to just not care, or to do a crap job with the course. That's unacceptable to me. It's not my job I'm screwing over- it's the students. If I do a shitty job, the students get a shitty education. That's not why they came to college. That's not why I teach. I don't want to teach for the money, I want to teach for them. Yet I also don't want to be taken advantage of. 

The upside of this is that I have found I really do like China. It's not at all what I expected, it's rough, disorganized and occasionally so out there that everyone is taken aback. However, I respect China and I'd like to continue teaching here. There's so much left to see. 

It's not worth it to stay here. I guess, if anyone reads this from Beloit who wants to be a future teacher- prepare to fight if they try and take advantage of you. 

That's a terrible thing to type. I wish it did not feel true to me right now.