Despite the negative ending of my second year, I returned to China for another two years in Kaifeng. The group I work for is much better for me, and I feel they treat me fairly, which is what anyone could want in a job. I enjoy my coworkers and have a good time.
But this blog, I feel, has run it's course. It's unlikely that I'll update it again. This blog was mostly over my first two years in China, before my CELTA training, and now I have both that and an additional two years of teaching under my belt. I am not in the same position I was when I started this blog five years ago.
Right now, I've started a new blog- one comparing the differences to Kaifeng and Fairbanks as I transition between the two. I'm putting my thoughts and comparisons there in preparation for my new journey, one through an MA of English.
http://fairbankseaaf.blogspot.com/ .
Thank you all for reading.
Sunday, April 3, 2016
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
Back in Kaifeng!
I'm back in Kaifeng. I'm having a good time; meeting up with familiar faces and new faces, seeing old sites, teaching. It feels good to be somewhere so familiar.
That said.
I'm locked in my apartment. It's the old apartments, the ones I first had when I arrived. They've redone them, with a kitchen area and new wood floors and a TV.
I was locked in my hotel apartment. Now I'm locked in my apartment here.
It's good to be back in Kaifeng.
(I'm going to miss some class because of it, but I find it to be amusing more than frustrating right now). :)
Tuesday, July 2, 2013
Monday, July 1, 2013
Black Car Part II
It left at 5:30, an hour and a half before it was expected to today.
Last night, Jenny texted us- her flight had been cancelled, and Jackie had to buy a new ticket. The new ticket left earlier to give her plenty of time, but it meant leaving here at 5:30.
So at 5:00 in the morning, we wake up, hauled things, said goodbye, and now I am here in my apartment alone. How creepy.
How empty.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Best news
I tried to submit my grades yesterday.
I was told by the dean I am not allowed to fail students for cheating. If I fail students, it has to be explained to the people in charge of Minsheng college, and those people will make us redo the grades. And I'll be gone from China, so...
So my students are not allowed to fail.
Does it matter that I teach them? I feel like nothing more than a pretty foreign object this year. In this university, where there's little pay, where there's no support from Beloit, where we're told, "Dance" and every time there's a problem or something like this, we're told, "Ah, this is Chinese culture". So I can't get mad, because that's unfair.
My students all cheated on exams and on their papers and I can't punish them for it. No wonder they didn't care.
In other news about the university, I was told by a teacher that the Chinese teachers have yet to be paid this year, and that the University holds onto their teaching certificates in another city. That's scary. If the teachers want to leave, they can't- their teaching certificates aren't in their hands. That's straight up messed up. I'm glad I'm leaving in two days. This university scares me, and the direction it is headed in is not one I want to be a part of.
Dissapointment
Well. If there's ever been more of a time to show me how little I matter as a teacher, to show me that I'm not a teacher, it's now.
Not only are my students making certificates of something to better their grades, but I'm also not allowed to give final exams. Which means other teachers are giving my exams, teachers who are much more lax about cheating than I.
I knew this would be the case; it was the case last year. Last semester.
The teachers who give the exam allow cell phones. They allow talking. They allow sharing of answers. The teachers don't care. I know my students cheat- their answers are identical (and always wrong), their handwriting changes, etc. – it's not hard to notice. The teachers who give the exam, they don't care at all.
It's hard to feel like you're really in charge.
Today I learned that though I had instructed for my video to be played twice, one class (class 3) had it played three times, and class two had the video played five times for listening. Class one only had it played twice for them.
This makes the exam so unfair, I want to throw it out. I want to scrap it. But I can't. Not now.
Saturday, June 29, 2013
The Black Car
The big black car came to take Callie and Ellen away today.
It's a black, four-door honda with leather seats. The windows have tint taped to them; in places they are peeling or torn. The car is clean, which is always nice, and the drivers rarely smoke. The dials are electronic, and the windows automatic; but the car itself is manual.
It's a nice car, especially since what I drive in the US has neither digital buttons nor automatic windows. But at least I know I can escape from my car should I be underwater!
The black car gives a feeling of sadness and goodbye. You never notice it when you arrive; it's a wonderful new thing and you're too busy looking at all the new sights and smells and smog. Plus, you're tired and jet lagged, so your senses are thin and you're running on empty- you won't remember the car, not when you've passed the Kaifeng South Gate and then the Henan University South Gate.
You'll remember the place you live, discovering your new apartment, your peers. You'll remember waking up in the morning and saying, "What do I do now? How do I eat? How do I contact my family? Where do I go? Is anyone else here?"
Then you explore.
When the black car comes again, it takes all that away. Everything you've done. Everything you've learned, everything you've ever enjoyed or felt. You feel it again, but this time, you know you won't have it again. Maybe if you come back.
But you've left a part of yourself behind. To make up for it, you start looking out the window. "Oh, remember that? Oh, remember this store? This street?" Your eyes are grabbing desperately trying to remember what you know you will forget in time. You wish you'd taken pictures, you wish you'd walked along new places.
But the black car keeps going.
I felt it first when I went to pick up my mother what feels like years ago, but was only a little over a year. Leaving Kaifeng, I felt my gut twist- this is what it would be like, looking out the window, awkwardly sitting in silence, remembering all the good times.
When it took me last year, I was glad- Ann was with me. We'd just heard two of our good friends had started dating, so we distracted each other with that. We'd look out the window and occasionally try not to tear up as we remembered where we lived, what we'd done, the adventures we'd had. I was glad I only had to say goodbye once- not many times as the number of teachers dwindled to one and then none.
When it took Nicole this year, I was with her. But I was remembering the things we'd done, going to Hong Kong and Shenzhen, staring up at fireworks right above my window, making pizza, and her very comforting coming after a really hard and difficult semester- I didn't want her to go.
When it took Tatianna, I watched with a deep sad feeling in my gut that I remained from last year- cold, jaded, and utterly alone this time. I chased after her car and waved with Jenny, hoping she might see us in the crowd of twenty or so people.
Well, it took Callie and Ellen. Jenny and I are left behind. I can already feel sadness welling up inside of me.
Certainly I am tired of teaching for this university. I am tired of being strung around, of being forgotten- no goodbye dinners, no thanks for extra work, and very little support. I am tired of dealing with students who all gather around me and say that I should pass them because they wrote at least the introduction to their research paper. I am tired of the students who refuse to pay attention in class and listen to their ipods, and then claim I have embarrassed them when I asked them to leave. I am tired of the students who refuse to do their simple assignments in general, like with half of a class leaving instead of practicing listening. I am tired of being seen as an object, a pretty foreigner with which to make people come into a store, to make people come into a classroom, to show off to friends at home that this person scored a picture with a kiss from a very unwilling foreigner.
There are things I am tired of.
But there are things I will miss when the black car takes me.
I will miss my students. Certainly they have all misbehaved at times. Certainly they have challenged me. But they are fun, and good people. They all have their own lives, and they're trying to figure out what to do with their lives in a China that is booming, that may have too many college graduates already.
I will miss their fun smiles, their concerns. I will miss their dramas, knowing who is dating who, what rumors are circulating, who has woken up at 6:00am and bothered all of their roommates.
I will miss their eager eyes, and even their third-year slump as they realized they don't care and things were pointless. I will miss watching them as they try to pull themselves out of it, as they try to stay motivated. That in itself is a good life skill to learn.
I will miss my foreign friends here. I will miss the tv watching (so much RuPaul), I will miss the drinking games at Tom's, I will miss the walks back and the fun dining. I will miss the daily walks, the telling of secrets, the realization that we were all each other had. We were the only people like us, the only family, the only sense of home that we had. We could easily say to someone, "Saw a guy taking a photo of me" and instead of getting, "That's because you're foreign!" our family would respond, "That's creepy. Hope you flipped them off" or something to that effect. *
My foreign family, we watched out for each other. We understood each other. It didn't matter I was a teacher and Ben and Dannysha were students. It really didn't seem to make a difference. We were all there, in Kaifeng, and that was a closeness I have enjoyed. I don't know if it will translate back to the states. I hope it will.
I have a couple of Chinese friends who are not students. I will miss them, too. They are always willing to find me, to talk to me, and they don't care that I am foreign. They look out for me, they make sure I'm okay, and I do the same. They never show me off like a doll, they never present me to people like an award- they are just good people. And I will miss them very much.
There are two kinds of people who enter the black car- those who are sad and those who are happy. The happy ones, all they can think of is the life they are returning to. (If the car comes early, those people know that they could not have lasted their allotted time, that they didn't have the tools or the fortitude to last a year). Those people see the black car as a rescue boat, one to save them because they did not have the tools to save themselves. If they did last the year, the people rejoice at going home and hate everything they leave behind, and feel a great sense of relief at never seeing China again.
The other kind of people, they enter the black car sad and tearful. They start crying. They have made ties. They have made friends. They have made a life, though a short one, in a foreign country. (If the car comes early, they yearn to return. Many leave early due to circumstances beyond their control). They have had experiences and regret leaving them. They love China, or at least, they respect China if they cannot love it. They have to leave things behind, and there were too many plans and people to take with them. They've enjoyed their stay, and now to part with it is so painful. Of course they look forward to going home. Of course they look forward to seeing their families again. But part of them will stay in Kaifeng, in the University, and wish they could experience more.
When the black car comes for me, I will cry.
Though I know my blog has been negative recently, I really will miss China.
*I remember telling my students about being followed by three men in the afternoon, which I posted on this blog. I mentioned it was the afternoon, and I went into a shop and the three men followed me. I only got them to leave by pretending to be French. My student's response? "Don't walk around at night! Go into a shop with many people if that happens!" At least they could see it was creepy.
It's a black, four-door honda with leather seats. The windows have tint taped to them; in places they are peeling or torn. The car is clean, which is always nice, and the drivers rarely smoke. The dials are electronic, and the windows automatic; but the car itself is manual.
It's a nice car, especially since what I drive in the US has neither digital buttons nor automatic windows. But at least I know I can escape from my car should I be underwater!
The black car gives a feeling of sadness and goodbye. You never notice it when you arrive; it's a wonderful new thing and you're too busy looking at all the new sights and smells and smog. Plus, you're tired and jet lagged, so your senses are thin and you're running on empty- you won't remember the car, not when you've passed the Kaifeng South Gate and then the Henan University South Gate.
You'll remember the place you live, discovering your new apartment, your peers. You'll remember waking up in the morning and saying, "What do I do now? How do I eat? How do I contact my family? Where do I go? Is anyone else here?"
Then you explore.
When the black car comes again, it takes all that away. Everything you've done. Everything you've learned, everything you've ever enjoyed or felt. You feel it again, but this time, you know you won't have it again. Maybe if you come back.
But you've left a part of yourself behind. To make up for it, you start looking out the window. "Oh, remember that? Oh, remember this store? This street?" Your eyes are grabbing desperately trying to remember what you know you will forget in time. You wish you'd taken pictures, you wish you'd walked along new places.
But the black car keeps going.
I felt it first when I went to pick up my mother what feels like years ago, but was only a little over a year. Leaving Kaifeng, I felt my gut twist- this is what it would be like, looking out the window, awkwardly sitting in silence, remembering all the good times.
When it took me last year, I was glad- Ann was with me. We'd just heard two of our good friends had started dating, so we distracted each other with that. We'd look out the window and occasionally try not to tear up as we remembered where we lived, what we'd done, the adventures we'd had. I was glad I only had to say goodbye once- not many times as the number of teachers dwindled to one and then none.
When it took Nicole this year, I was with her. But I was remembering the things we'd done, going to Hong Kong and Shenzhen, staring up at fireworks right above my window, making pizza, and her very comforting coming after a really hard and difficult semester- I didn't want her to go.
When it took Tatianna, I watched with a deep sad feeling in my gut that I remained from last year- cold, jaded, and utterly alone this time. I chased after her car and waved with Jenny, hoping she might see us in the crowd of twenty or so people.
Well, it took Callie and Ellen. Jenny and I are left behind. I can already feel sadness welling up inside of me.
Certainly I am tired of teaching for this university. I am tired of being strung around, of being forgotten- no goodbye dinners, no thanks for extra work, and very little support. I am tired of dealing with students who all gather around me and say that I should pass them because they wrote at least the introduction to their research paper. I am tired of the students who refuse to pay attention in class and listen to their ipods, and then claim I have embarrassed them when I asked them to leave. I am tired of the students who refuse to do their simple assignments in general, like with half of a class leaving instead of practicing listening. I am tired of being seen as an object, a pretty foreigner with which to make people come into a store, to make people come into a classroom, to show off to friends at home that this person scored a picture with a kiss from a very unwilling foreigner.
There are things I am tired of.
But there are things I will miss when the black car takes me.
I will miss my students. Certainly they have all misbehaved at times. Certainly they have challenged me. But they are fun, and good people. They all have their own lives, and they're trying to figure out what to do with their lives in a China that is booming, that may have too many college graduates already.
I will miss their fun smiles, their concerns. I will miss their dramas, knowing who is dating who, what rumors are circulating, who has woken up at 6:00am and bothered all of their roommates.
I will miss their eager eyes, and even their third-year slump as they realized they don't care and things were pointless. I will miss watching them as they try to pull themselves out of it, as they try to stay motivated. That in itself is a good life skill to learn.
I will miss my foreign friends here. I will miss the tv watching (so much RuPaul), I will miss the drinking games at Tom's, I will miss the walks back and the fun dining. I will miss the daily walks, the telling of secrets, the realization that we were all each other had. We were the only people like us, the only family, the only sense of home that we had. We could easily say to someone, "Saw a guy taking a photo of me" and instead of getting, "That's because you're foreign!" our family would respond, "That's creepy. Hope you flipped them off" or something to that effect. *
My foreign family, we watched out for each other. We understood each other. It didn't matter I was a teacher and Ben and Dannysha were students. It really didn't seem to make a difference. We were all there, in Kaifeng, and that was a closeness I have enjoyed. I don't know if it will translate back to the states. I hope it will.
I have a couple of Chinese friends who are not students. I will miss them, too. They are always willing to find me, to talk to me, and they don't care that I am foreign. They look out for me, they make sure I'm okay, and I do the same. They never show me off like a doll, they never present me to people like an award- they are just good people. And I will miss them very much.
There are two kinds of people who enter the black car- those who are sad and those who are happy. The happy ones, all they can think of is the life they are returning to. (If the car comes early, those people know that they could not have lasted their allotted time, that they didn't have the tools or the fortitude to last a year). Those people see the black car as a rescue boat, one to save them because they did not have the tools to save themselves. If they did last the year, the people rejoice at going home and hate everything they leave behind, and feel a great sense of relief at never seeing China again.
The other kind of people, they enter the black car sad and tearful. They start crying. They have made ties. They have made friends. They have made a life, though a short one, in a foreign country. (If the car comes early, they yearn to return. Many leave early due to circumstances beyond their control). They have had experiences and regret leaving them. They love China, or at least, they respect China if they cannot love it. They have to leave things behind, and there were too many plans and people to take with them. They've enjoyed their stay, and now to part with it is so painful. Of course they look forward to going home. Of course they look forward to seeing their families again. But part of them will stay in Kaifeng, in the University, and wish they could experience more.
When the black car comes for me, I will cry.
Though I know my blog has been negative recently, I really will miss China.
*I remember telling my students about being followed by three men in the afternoon, which I posted on this blog. I mentioned it was the afternoon, and I went into a shop and the three men followed me. I only got them to leave by pretending to be French. My student's response? "Don't walk around at night! Go into a shop with many people if that happens!" At least they could see it was creepy.
Sunday, June 23, 2013
My bosses all quit and nobody told me
Ann’s here! It’s been a fun week.
(Want to make it clearer how things normally work: Office owns us. Loan us out. My fights have been with the people I have been loaned out to. Not having bosses explains why they were unavailable when I needed them to back me up this past year).
And she’s found out things I wish I had been told by the
department- that there is nobody working for the office anymore.
Mr. Ma, our boss, has left with Mrs. Ma for foreign language
college. They work there now. The only
people left are Jackie and Jin, and they were all that remained halfway through
the semester, if not the year.
That explains why suddenly the departments and deans were
breathing down our necks, trying to get us to do more work for free. I wish
someone would have told me my bosses had been replaced. But now next years
teachers, I’m not sure if they’ll work for the office or if they’ll work for
the department itself.
Good news for the teachers next year- they’re trying to
improve the pay. Which is good, as the pay at Heda is the lowest I have ever
heard of. Most places pay 6000rmb per month- this university pays 4000. So if
the pay increases, I’d be very happy for the teachers next year.
There was a lot of fighting with the department which now
makes sense given that our bosses weren’t there to help us out anymore. It’s
just Jackie and Jin, and it must be difficult for both of them to run the
office between them. I don’t envy them at all.
This also makes sense as to why Victoria University people
were looking into making the space their own- the office doesn’t have the
amount of people, so they’re going to downsize.
Another thing to keep in mind is that at least it’s not Oya
college. The teachers who work directly for Oya college usually live in
Zhengzhou and are overworked, promised English Majors and given non-majors in
class sizes of 80+.
I’m not sure what will happen to the teachers next year. I’m
not sure at all. But I hope there will be more people in charge, and more
people working for the office that loans us out to different colleges.
Otherwise I’m afraid Jackie’s going to die of stress.
(Want to make it clearer how things normally work: Office owns us. Loan us out. My fights have been with the people I have been loaned out to. Not having bosses explains why they were unavailable when I needed them to back me up this past year).
Thursday, June 20, 2013
If not one thing, it's another
At the start of the month, when going with Callie to the hospital for the physical exam, I reminded Jackie that my visa expired in 20 days. He told me we'd take care of it on the 15th.
The 15th came and went, and so on the 17th, I reminded him my visa expired in 3 days.
Cue a rushing to the police station, being stuck behind about a hundred children going abroad and needing passports, going into the station itself, seeing cubicles and whatnot only to discover that in China, you need to reregister each time you leave the country. Nobody told me this. It's not even on the list of things in Chinese they gave me.
But also! I didn't leave the country. Technically. I went to Hong Kong.
Nope. Guess it counts as a different country to the Chinese system. I had left customs, so I had to reregister with the police.
Which meant that we had to leave the police station on the 17th and try and find a way to register me. We went to a hotel, but they said they couldn't, try again tomorrow.
We returned the next day to find that I could register- it would take 48 hours, which was the same amount of time that my visa would expire. So, I could register, but my visa would expire by the time I was registered.
Jacke then went to Zhengzhou. I'm not sure why, he never told me why. But when he came back, on the 19th, Jenny and I had papers that proved our residency when we turned in our passports for the visa.
Visa granted- less than 24 hours before expiration. (I am unable to get the visa by myself; Jackie, my boss, has the paperwork necessary to extend the visa).
Monday, June 10, 2013
Last Hurrah
That's where I am right now. Knowing I'm leaving actually has given me a lot of motivation back- the end kind of drags for a bit. Things have picked up; and I'm thinking of things to take back with me, things I can do, things I can see.
Mostly there's a bit left before I return home.
Some things I need to sell- a keyboard, my free weights- they can't be taken home with me. Or else I'll be so over the weight limit it hurts.
Other things can stay- books, papers, dishes, my oven- I can give those to Callie and Jenny, who will be here next year.
Other things have to go- papers, markers, food- there's no place for them.
Other things have to come with me- pictures, books, computer, my stuffed beasts that mom does not want me to bring home, of course!
I have to grade, I have to get things ready. My final exams have been sent, so it's preparing asap for the incoming swarm of essays and exams that will hit after the 20th. How lucky for me! As long as I prepare, there will be no problems. I will just grade and input grades, and that will be the end of that.
I have to pack, of course. That'll be...fun.
And of course, there is shopping. What can I buy in the land of cheap goods? What can I take back with me?
This is what I mean by "last hurrah". I've looked at many things, including a bass clarinet (500USD instead of the usual 1200) or a clarinet (80USD) or microphones for recording things, but I've been pretty good about saving and not spending. But now I'm looking and seeing I only have two real weeks left, maybe three, and at this time, well, what do I really want? What would be good to have?
Is there anything?
The danger, of course, is a couple of things. Things may not be real, they may only be good fakes. Or there are things I'm looking at that sound good but actually aren't- ipads, for example. I think they could be useful, but is it really worth it right now?
No. Even if they are only $200, that's a sign they are knock-offs, refurbished, or stolen.
Microphones? Well....
I think my family should play a game. What things do you think Eaafy has bought on Taobao?
(I can tell you the winner: ME. I AM THE WINNER. I BOUGHT ALL THE THINGS.)
No, but seriously, I'm looking at cheap stuff currently that I think would be helpful in freelance work for summer seasons when I'm not teaching. Microphones are great for recording audiobooks. So at least it is an investment!
And I can honestly say that I bought these for work-related purposes on my taxes. Because I did. Granted, I'm not going to say anything on my taxes until I've looked them over and made sure it's legal.
That's my life right now, enjoying surprise cool showers, waiting excitedly for Ann, trying to get rid of stuff, trying to invest in my life- all very exciting, though boring things.
Before my family says anything I want to say that yes I've looked into the budget and my students are going dutch for our class dinner so paying for these is not costing me anything extra so please do not say, "are you spending your money wisely" because I am. I am spending money... for the future!!
And because I love taobao.
The end.
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