Black Car III

I am going to face my destiny. I am going to face the black car. 

It has come for me. 

Black Car Part II

It left at 5:30, an hour and a half before it was expected to today. 

Last night, Jenny texted us- her flight had been cancelled, and Jackie had to buy a new ticket. The new ticket left earlier to give her plenty of time, but it meant leaving here at 5:30. 

So at 5:00 in the morning, we wake up, hauled things, said goodbye, and now I am here in my apartment alone. How creepy. 

How empty. 

Best news

I tried to submit my grades yesterday. 

I was told by the dean I am not allowed to fail students for cheating. If I fail students, it has to be explained to the people in charge of Minsheng college, and those people will make us redo the grades. And I'll be gone from China, so...

So my students are not allowed to fail. 

Does it matter that I teach them? I feel like nothing more than a pretty foreign object this year. In this university, where there's little pay, where there's no support from Beloit, where we're told, "Dance" and every time there's a problem or something like this, we're told, "Ah, this is Chinese culture". So I can't get mad, because that's unfair. 

My students all cheated on exams and on their papers and I can't punish them for it. No wonder they didn't care. 

In other news about the university, I was told by a teacher that the Chinese teachers have yet to be paid this year, and that the University holds onto their teaching certificates in another city. That's scary. If the teachers want to leave, they can't- their teaching certificates aren't in their hands. That's straight up messed up. I'm glad I'm leaving in two days. This university scares me, and the direction it is headed in is not one I want to be a part of. 

Dissapointment

Well. If there's ever been more of a time to show me how little I matter as a teacher, to show me that I'm not a teacher, it's now.

Not only are my students making certificates of something to better their grades, but I'm also not allowed to give final exams. Which means other teachers are giving my exams, teachers who are much more lax about cheating than I. 

I knew this would be the case; it was the case last year. Last semester.

The teachers who give the exam allow cell phones. They allow talking. They allow sharing of answers. The teachers don't care. I know my students cheat- their answers are identical (and always wrong), their handwriting changes, etc. – it's not hard to notice. The teachers who give the exam, they don't care at all.

It's hard to feel like you're really in charge.

Today I learned that though I had instructed for my video to be played twice, one class (class 3) had it played three times, and class two had the video played five times for listening. Class one only had it played twice for them.

This makes the exam so unfair, I want to throw it out. I want to scrap it. But I can't. Not now.

The Black Car

The big black car came to take Callie and Ellen away today.

It's a black, four-door honda with leather seats. The windows have tint taped to them; in places they are peeling or torn. The car is clean, which is always nice, and the drivers rarely smoke. The dials are electronic, and the windows automatic; but the car itself is manual.

It's a nice car, especially since what I drive in the US has neither digital buttons nor automatic windows. But at least I know I can escape from my car should I be underwater!

The black car gives a feeling of sadness and goodbye. You never notice it when you arrive; it's a wonderful new thing and you're too busy looking at all the new sights and smells and smog. Plus, you're tired and jet lagged, so your senses are thin and you're running on empty- you won't remember the car, not when you've passed the Kaifeng South Gate and then the Henan University South Gate.

You'll remember the place you live, discovering your new apartment, your peers. You'll remember waking up in the morning and saying, "What do I do now? How do I eat? How do I contact my family? Where do I go? Is anyone else here?"

Then you explore.

When the black car comes again, it takes all that away. Everything you've done. Everything you've learned, everything you've ever enjoyed or felt. You feel it again, but this time, you know you won't have it again. Maybe if you come back.

But you've left a part of yourself behind. To make up for it, you start looking out the window. "Oh, remember that? Oh, remember this store? This street?" Your eyes are grabbing desperately trying to remember what you know you will forget in time. You wish you'd taken pictures, you wish you'd walked along new places.

But the black car keeps going.

I felt it first when I went to pick up my mother what feels like years ago, but was only a little over a year. Leaving Kaifeng, I felt my gut twist- this is what it would be like, looking out the window, awkwardly sitting in silence, remembering all the good times.

When it took me last year, I was glad- Ann was with me. We'd just heard two of our good friends had started dating, so we distracted each other with that. We'd look out the window and occasionally try not to tear up as we remembered where we lived, what we'd done, the adventures we'd had. I was glad I only had to say goodbye once- not many times as the number of teachers dwindled to one and then none.

When it took Nicole this year, I was with her. But I was remembering the things we'd done, going to Hong Kong and Shenzhen, staring up at fireworks right above my window, making pizza, and her very comforting coming after a really hard and difficult semester- I didn't want her to go.

When it took Tatianna, I watched with a deep sad feeling in my gut that I remained from last year- cold,  jaded, and utterly alone this time. I chased after her car and waved with Jenny, hoping she might see us in the crowd of twenty or so people.

Well, it took Callie and Ellen. Jenny and I are left behind. I can already feel sadness welling up inside of me.

Certainly I am tired of teaching for this university. I am tired of being strung around, of being forgotten- no goodbye dinners, no thanks for extra work, and very little support. I am tired of dealing with students who all gather around me and say that I should pass them because they wrote at least the introduction to their research paper. I am tired of the students who refuse to pay attention in class and listen to their ipods, and then claim I have embarrassed them when I asked them to leave. I am tired of the students who refuse to do their simple assignments in general, like with half of a class leaving instead of practicing listening. I am tired of being seen as an object, a pretty foreigner with which to make people come into a store, to make people come into a classroom, to show off to friends at home that this person scored a picture with a kiss from a very unwilling foreigner.

There are things I am tired of.

But there are things I will miss when the black car takes me.

I will miss my students. Certainly they have all misbehaved at times. Certainly they have challenged me. But they are fun, and good people. They all have their own lives, and they're trying to figure out what to do with their lives in a China that is booming, that may have too many college graduates already.

I will miss their fun smiles, their concerns. I will miss their dramas, knowing who is dating who, what rumors are circulating, who has woken up at 6:00am and bothered all of their roommates.

I will miss their eager eyes, and even their third-year slump as they realized they don't care and things were pointless. I will miss watching them as they try to pull themselves out of it, as they try to stay motivated. That in itself is a good life skill to learn.

I will miss my foreign friends here. I will miss the tv watching (so much RuPaul), I will miss the drinking games at Tom's, I will miss the walks back and the fun dining. I will miss the daily walks, the telling of secrets, the realization that we were all each other had. We were the only people like us, the only family, the only sense of home that we had. We could easily say to someone, "Saw a guy taking a photo of me" and instead of getting, "That's because you're foreign!" our family would respond, "That's creepy. Hope you flipped them off" or something to that effect. *

My foreign family, we watched out for each other. We understood each other. It didn't matter I was a teacher and Ben and Dannysha were students. It really didn't seem to make a difference. We were all there, in Kaifeng, and that was a closeness I have enjoyed. I don't know if it will translate back to the states. I hope it will.

I have a couple of Chinese friends who are not students. I will miss them, too. They are always willing to find me, to talk to me, and they don't care that I am foreign. They look out for me, they make sure I'm okay, and I do the same. They never show me off like a doll, they never present me to people like an award- they are just good people. And I will miss them very much.

There are two kinds of people who enter the black car- those who are sad and those who are happy. The happy ones, all they can think of is the life they are returning to. (If the car comes early, those people know that they could not have lasted their allotted time, that they didn't have the tools or the fortitude to last a year). Those people see the black car as a rescue boat, one to save them because they did not have the tools to save themselves. If they did last the year, the people rejoice at going home and hate everything they leave behind, and feel a great sense of relief at never seeing China again.

The other kind of people, they enter the black car sad and tearful. They start crying. They have made ties. They have made friends. They have made a life, though a short one, in a foreign country. (If the car comes early, they yearn to return. Many leave early due to circumstances beyond their control). They have had experiences and regret leaving them. They love China, or at least, they respect China if they cannot love it. They have to leave things behind, and there were too many plans and people to take with them. They've enjoyed their stay, and now to part with it is so painful. Of course they look forward to going home. Of course they look forward to seeing their families again. But part of them will stay in Kaifeng, in the University, and wish they could experience more.



When the black car comes for me, I will cry.




Though I know my blog has been negative recently, I really will miss China.











*I remember telling my students about being followed by three men in the afternoon, which I posted on this blog. I mentioned it was the afternoon, and I went into a shop and the three men followed me. I only got them to leave by pretending to be French. My student's response? "Don't walk around at night! Go into a shop with many people if that happens!" At least they could see it was creepy.

My bosses all quit and nobody told me

Ann’s here! It’s been a fun week.

And she’s found out things I wish I had been told by the department- that there is nobody working for the office anymore.

Mr. Ma, our boss, has left with Mrs. Ma for foreign language college. They work there now.  The only people left are Jackie and Jin, and they were all that remained halfway through the semester, if not the year.

That explains why suddenly the departments and deans were breathing down our necks, trying to get us to do more work for free. I wish someone would have told me my bosses had been replaced. But now next years teachers, I’m not sure if they’ll work for the office or if they’ll work for the department itself.

Good news for the teachers next year- they’re trying to improve the pay. Which is good, as the pay at Heda is the lowest I have ever heard of. Most places pay 6000rmb per month- this university pays 4000. So if the pay increases, I’d be very happy for the teachers next year.

There was a lot of fighting with the department which now makes sense given that our bosses weren’t there to help us out anymore. It’s just Jackie and Jin, and it must be difficult for both of them to run the office between them. I don’t envy them at all.

This also makes sense as to why Victoria University people were looking into making the space their own- the office doesn’t have the amount of people, so they’re going to downsize.

Another thing to keep in mind is that at least it’s not Oya college. The teachers who work directly for Oya college usually live in Zhengzhou and are overworked, promised English Majors and given non-majors in class sizes of 80+.

I’m not sure what will happen to the teachers next year. I’m not sure at all. But I hope there will be more people in charge, and more people working for the office that loans us out to different colleges. Otherwise I’m afraid Jackie’s going to die of stress.

(Want to make it clearer how things normally work: Office owns us. Loan us out. My fights have been with the people I have been loaned out to. Not having bosses explains why they were unavailable when I needed them to back me up this past year).

If not one thing, it's another

At the start of the month, when going with Callie to the hospital for the physical exam, I reminded Jackie that my visa expired in 20 days. He told me we'd take care of it on the 15th. 

The 15th came and went, and so on the 17th, I reminded him my visa expired in 3 days. 

Cue a rushing to the police station, being stuck behind about a hundred children going abroad and needing passports, going into the station itself, seeing cubicles and whatnot only to discover that in China, you need to reregister each time you leave the country. Nobody told me this. It's not even on the list of things in Chinese they gave me. 

But also! I didn't leave the country. Technically. I went to Hong Kong. 

Nope. Guess it counts as a different country to the Chinese system. I had left customs, so I had to reregister with the police. 

Which meant that we had to leave the police station on the 17th and try and find a way to register me. We went to a hotel, but they said they couldn't, try again tomorrow. 

We returned the next day to find that I could register- it would take 48 hours, which was the same amount of time that my visa would expire. So, I could register, but my visa would expire by the time I was registered. 

Jacke then went to Zhengzhou. I'm not sure why, he never told me why. But when he came back, on the 19th, Jenny and I had papers that proved our residency when we turned in our passports for the visa. 

Visa granted- less than 24 hours before expiration. (I am unable to get the visa by myself; Jackie, my boss, has the paperwork necessary to extend the visa). 

Last Hurrah

That's where I am right now. Knowing I'm leaving actually has given me a lot of motivation back- the end kind of drags for a bit. Things have picked up; and I'm thinking of things to take back with me, things I can do, things I can see. 

Mostly there's a bit left before I return home. 

Some things I need to sell- a keyboard, my free weights- they can't be taken home with me. Or else I'll be so over the weight limit it hurts. 

Other things can stay- books, papers, dishes, my oven- I can give those to Callie and Jenny, who will be here next year. 

Other things have to go- papers, markers, food- there's no place for them. 

Other things have to come with me- pictures, books, computer, my stuffed beasts that mom does not want me to bring home, of course!

I have to grade, I have to get things ready. My final exams have been sent, so it's preparing asap for the incoming swarm of essays and exams that will hit after the 20th. How lucky for me! As long as I prepare, there will be no problems. I will just grade and input grades, and that will be the end of that. 

I have to pack, of course. That'll be...fun. 

And of course, there is shopping. What can I buy in the land of cheap goods? What can I take back with me? 

This is what I mean by "last hurrah". I've looked at many things, including a bass clarinet (500USD instead of the usual 1200) or a clarinet (80USD) or microphones for recording things, but I've been pretty good about saving and not spending. But now I'm looking and seeing I only have two real weeks left, maybe three, and at this time, well, what do I really want? What would be good to have?

Is there anything? 

The danger, of course, is a couple of things. Things may not be real, they may only be good fakes. Or there are things I'm looking at that sound good but actually aren't- ipads, for example. I think they could be useful, but is it really worth it right now? 

No. Even if they are only $200, that's a sign they are knock-offs, refurbished, or stolen.

Microphones? Well.... 

I think my family should play a game. What things do you think Eaafy has bought on Taobao? 

(I can tell you the winner: ME. I AM THE WINNER. I BOUGHT ALL THE THINGS.)

No, but seriously, I'm looking at cheap stuff currently that I think would be helpful in freelance work for summer seasons when I'm not teaching. Microphones are great for recording audiobooks. So at least it is an investment!

And I can honestly say that I bought these for work-related purposes on my taxes. Because I did. Granted, I'm not going to say anything on my taxes until I've looked them over and made sure it's legal. 

That's my life right now, enjoying surprise cool showers, waiting excitedly for Ann, trying to get rid of stuff, trying to invest in my life- all very exciting, though boring things. 

Before my family says anything I want to say that yes I've looked into the budget and my students are going dutch for our class dinner so paying for these is not costing me anything extra so please do not say, "are you spending your money wisely" because I am. I am spending money... for the future!!

And because I love taobao. 

The end.

Life so far

There's less than a month to go. It has been nearly two years. 

The internet has been giving me such trouble that for about three weeks I couldn't even load my e-mail, let alone send it. That's how fast it is- it won't load yahoo mail, let alone google. 

There have been a couple of good things: 

I judged the English Speech Competition with Callie. We broke up the questions between us, which was great. So there wasn't one question master, there were two. I also gave the most Pro-Chinese speech I have ever uttered in my life. The upside was that I had many happy people cheering, my students recording my speech on their phones, and one administrator who last year told the students all the foreigners should learn Chinese (as if we couldn't understand Chinese or have someone translate, speaking about someone in the room and assuming they don't speak the language is just plain rude) later took her photo with me. It was pretty good, if I say so myself. People afterwards saw me on the huge TV screen in the center square on Old Campus. I was really pretty. *.*

Ann is coming on the 17th, which has been good. My air-conditioning is working on and off (mostly off). Again. I've been able to sleep, which is also a finally. 

There was a leaking pipe that caused the foundation of the hallway leading to my wing of the building to, well, leave the building when it rained. Everything washed out. So they had to go fix it. I'm not sure anything's really fixed, or better, but there was a huge hole in the ground for a very long time. How exciting.

A few  bad things: 

I've given up on trying to take the trans-siberian to Europe. Since Jackie has been in even less contact this year than last year, I'm just so tired of fighting and pushing to get my way in China. You have to, but after two ten-month cycles, it edges on you. And when there's no support behind you, well, then it gets really hard. So I'm going to head off and I'll be back home in July! I'll still be able to make it to Europe, though.

As it's the end of the year, it's the "I no longer care" wave that I have to fight. Everyone in the states is done with college and done with learning right now, but here everyone is still going. And the Chinese teachers will soon grade the gaokao, which is that giant exam, which means their classes are cancelled. 

All of my writing students plagiarized at least one section (most of them did more) of their final papers. I've contacted my TA about what to do. All of them. 

I asked them why. They mentioned the paper was too hard at 2000 words in 5 weeks, they had never written a research paper before, they wanted to be sure their grammar was correct, they were not familiar with the American company.

My points: Next year, they'll have to write 5,000 words for a research paper. I showed them how to use quotes and how to put sources in their own words. Students last year had 5,000 words to write. I knew they had never written a research paper before, which is why the entire semester was spent breaking it up and talking about what we could write and writing things together. 

I tried to make this as basically simple as I could, as I am a foreign language major myself and I know how difficult it can be to write in a foreign language. It's hard. There would be mistakes. That's why there was so much time to correct the mistakes as well. 

What I've done: I've contacted my TA about it, and told them I'm writing a final exam. And I will be writing the final exam. Here's part of my Ta's initial response: "Hey eaaf don[']t be mad. They just don[']t know the severity of plagiarism or more accurately they [are] not got used to work without any plagiarising..."

Sometimes my Ta is awesome. Sometimes I want to pull my hair out. It was followed up by, "Trust me, I know how you feel. I was so mad when I first found my students cheating". So there's something to make me feel a bit better.

I've had a long time thinking if this was my fault or my students' fault or what could be done differently. I've heard many different opinions, but what I think I'm going to settle on is this: They said they couldn't do it. I thought they could do this paper. I believed in them. I showed them how to use sources, how to write this thing, though it was very, very basic, and they've had me for two semesters, so they know better than to copy. 

So I'm re-evaluating whether I still want to be a teacher. It's something to think about, with one class not even doing the assignment in class, in another one half the students walked out, and now most of my writing students have plagiarized. A couple, bless their hearts, rephrased things or were trying to use quotes with citations. Those students are diamonds in this sea of... rough. 

I'm also debating how much of it is this university- the Australians, in a different program have their own troubles but at least they have someone in charge, and they have meetings with the department. Ann's own program pays nearly double here and there's a lot more support for her, I feel, and it even has training! Here the foreign teachers are mostly mascots; we have nothing to do with the department, we never see or talk to the other teachers that are not our TAs, we are never asked about our opinions and we are paid the least amount of pay possible in China. 

Normally, I'd say that the students are the reason you come here. A few people want to learn Chinese while teaching in Kaifeng, but your Chinese will be broken and it'll never be as good as if you were to just study it. But with these students, what they have done and how they are defended... well, I guess I can say I'm glad to be going home. I'm sorry this blog is more and more negative. Part of it my be the end-of-the-year-blues. Part of it is things like this that keep stacking up and up. Department wants to you to teach double-classes for no extra pay? Students are allowed to plagiarize? 

Granted that last thing is an issue in many Chinese universities, not just this one. I am aware it is a problem, I just never expected it to be such a big problem.

I think if I ever get another teaching job, I want to know I'm very well supported, that there are structures in place to deal with such a huge event. I'm going to take a couple weeks in July though to think if I really want to keep doing this.

Shenzhen

Hey! I'm in shenzhen now. It's exciting. Mostly I've been hanging out with Ann.

We had Indian food last night. It was delicious.

I return on the 1rst.

Playing Chicken

Today I talked with my TA. She mentioned the department would be very angry if I didn't teach class. I told her I'd be willing to reschedule class. 

I hate to put her in this position. 

Will the department fire me? Unlikely. 

In the end, the department caved and I am free to go. I dislike throwing my weight around, I dislike fighting with the department. In this, though, it's not even their call- it's the administration of the college. 

Part of me wonders if they did this so late to keep bird flu from spreading or something in case bird flu was spread by people- they announced it in time to interrupt everyone's travel plans back home. 

In the end, I'm allowed to leave on Sunday for vacation. Yay me.

Woes update

After I sent the message I went to new campus. I'll wait for faster internet until I mention that. 

Talked to the secretary of Minsheng College today- she asked me flat out if I was going on Sunday. I told her yes, and that I'd try to make up the classes. She nodded and said nothing more, knowing I was frustrated by the schedules and things. 

So there's that. I'm not sure what to make of it. She neither supported nor rejected my decision. I think it was a very wise move indeed. 

More Woes

Today I talked with Ruth, and we realized we had a misunderstanding- I took her words too seriously, and she didn't realize the effect her words had on me. We are better, and I'm glad. 

Perhaps I'm just stressed and reading too much into things. 

But today did not go much better. Here's a timeline of how I received information: 

At the beginning of the year we are all handed a schedule with the times we will teach and the times the breaks are. The days off are Monday, April 29 and Tuesday, April 30 and Wednesday, May 1st. 

On Monday I bought my nonrefundable plane ticket to leave on Sunday. 

On Tuesday afternoon (the discussion is in the morning) my students tell me that we will have the second and third of May off. We will make up the days we miss the Sunday and Saturday before break and the Sunday and Saturday after break. Nothing official has been told to me. 

On Wednesday, today, I receive a notice from my TA that she will visit my classes. I tell her great, I'll see her on the 7th. She explains I will have class on Sunday. I tell her that no one has told me, and I have bought nonrefundable plane tickets, so I won't be going. 

She tells me to prepare for the worst and that the department is serious. 

I am so tired of being pulled around by this department. Last semester I worked 24 hours of teaching, plus about 20 hours extra of prep, because I had NO TEXTBOOKS or LISTENING MATERIALS given to me by the department. I've had to edit movies, tv shows, find scripts and transcripts in order to make some semblance of a class. I've had to make a writing class from scratch as well. This semester I have much more manageable time, but I'm still bending over backwards trying to get my students to understand a research paper and how to divide a big paper so that it doesn't feel so big.

Things that I am frustrated by the department/University for: 

First thing said (department): Well, we're going to not pay you for the extra classes you teach until a date that keeps moving into the future.

Solved by: Payment the day the new semester started.

Second thing (department): Well, you're going to have to teach double the amount of classes, but we'll put them at the same time so your pay will be the same. If you refuse the department will give them to another foreign teacher. 

Solved by: Threatening to leave and mentioning that teaching those class sizes would break my contract.

Third thing (university): All foreign teachers will have to teach this new, extra class! (The Australian teachers do not apply mysteriously, nor do the Oya college teachers). 

Solved by: Callie and Ellen agreed to teach, and by this point the department was desperate.

Fourth thing (department): You now have to teach your classes on New Campus! Randomly! In the middle of the semester! Good luck getting there!

Solved by: I am teaching the classes at new campus for now. This is not worth fighting, it's just annoying.

Fifth thing: You must teach on these dates we did not prepare you for nor tell you about. 

Solved by: I'm not teaching on Sunday. I'll teach the weekend after, but I'm not teaching Sunday. My tickets are bought and I cannot return them.  

Between the issues at the department this year, and the place I live- I cannot count how many times the power has gone off or I'm without power, nor can I tell you how much money I've wasted going to other places for fast internet so that I can prepare for classes since I have no materials provided by the department. There's no fast internet here, there's no regular power, there's occasionally things that don't get fixed until you get super vocal about them. 

I know it's April, and I know it'll soon be May. I know I'm thinking about what it will be like to be home. I know last semester I was run ragged and tired and exhausted. 

But I am so tired of being dragged around by this department. I am so tired of being told last minute about things, of agreeing to things. I know that's how China does things. I know I'm not the only one affected by this. 

I have done more than what was asked of me, and never received a word of thanks. I regret taking on all that extra work now, as instead of thanks I'm told that the department is serious and upset with me and they've consistently demanded that I do more work. 

Frustrating Class

Sometimes I get so frustrated at my classes that I want to scream. 

I have one class who hasn't been doing their in-class assignments. Normally, if this was the first class, I'd correct the lesson plan, figure out what's not working, and give them more time to do the assignments. But this isn't the first class- they're my last class. The other three classes do their assignments (in class assignments), answer my questions and seem to have enough time- this includes the transfer class, which have the least amount of understanding of the group. 

This class, though, just has refused again and again to do the in class work. This work was the same assignment last year, with four different classes; this year, three classes did the assignment: spot the differences in the American and British versions of the office. Anything. Anything you can. Don't care how big or how small. 

Usually if a class gets stuck, I ask them why they liked a version better, and that is a good place to start. 

But this class was silent. Nothing. Nothing at all. They told me it was because America and Britain are the same. 

The whole point of this unit is to figure out little differences in culture, to see that foreign countries are not the same. Is it useful to their test taking? I dunno. Nobody gave me a syllabus. Nobody gave me materials or a book. I had to make it all from scratch. Hours upon hours spent editing, writing plans and coming up with materials- yeah, it was not too fun.

The next week, I made a chart and mentioned to them the categories they were to look for. Only half the class turned in that assignment, and only half of the halves were done. It was extremely disappointing. 

This week I got a call from a student, asking to take the 3rd of May off. I thought we did have it off, but found out we don't. So I tell my students today we will have class. This does not seem to settle well with them. 

Later, Ruth and the monitor appear. I know Ruth- she was a good friend of Ann. They both start talking about how it's the only class they have and how I should cancel it for them. Their other teacher canceled classes, so they can get an extra three days if they do it. 

I, however, will still have to teach on Friday. So it makes little difference to me. This class is the class who actively doesn't do assignments in class, who say America and Britain are the same, who don't behave well. They need the most help with their listening, so canceling a class is a big no way. 

So the bargaining for the students began:

Monitor: Give us an in-home assignment

Eaaf: No. You don't do the assignments in class, I can't trust that you'll do the assignments at home. 

M: Let us make up the class.

E: No, I know how that works- you are not obligated to come.

M: Let's reschedule the class

E: Once again, you would not be obligated to come. Nobody would come. Can you promise me that everyone would come?

*Ten second pause, monitor is uncomfortable*

Ruth: Of course we can promise!

E: Nope.

Ruth: We're friends! Do this as our friend!

E: This isn't friends. You're coming as my students to a teacher.

R: It's a cultural difference. 

At this point, I realize they're using the friendship to try and get a favor, which is the Chinese way. 

E: No. This class needs help. The exams were not what I expected, and I need to make sure we don't fall behind and we get better. Meeting once a week is better than making up a class. 

R: We did poorly because the exams are not the Chinese exams. Your exams had too many accents! They have normal conversations!

E: What is a normal conversation?

R: Two people speaking standard English slowly and clearly. The news is also clear.

E: Well, I'm sorry, and I know that not all exams are like that.* We will have class. Look, you two girls have done the assignments, but your classmates have not. They don't do the assignments. And I know that it isn't hard, because the other three classes are able to do these assignments. Yours was the only class who didn't. Your class needs the extra class.

R: Maybe it's because they don't understand. They can't do two things at once, they can't write and listen. 

E: Then we should practice that on the 3rd.

R: Maybe it's because you became nicer. If you get mean again they'll be mad. 

E: I'm nicer?

R: Yes! This year you spoil us. Maybe the students see the class as relaxing and don't try as hard.

E: I should be stricter? Is that what you're saying?**

R: We are really sorry. Last week, when we turned in the paper, many of us were really sorry that day. We love you. 

E: But you weren't sorry the week before, when you guys did the same thing and nobody turned in or answered anything. Why weren't you sorry then? 

R: We were sorry. 

M: Can we cancel the class?

E: No. It will be on the 3rd.

R: The students will bear a grudge against you. 

E: What?

R: They will be angry with you. 

E: (pausing to think) Well, I'd rather have them be angry and have good listening skills than be happy and be bad. 

R and M laugh a little: You're really a good teacher. 

E: Okay. We'll have class on the third.

R: Please, no. We can't. 

E: Yes. We will have class on the third and if the students don't come they'll fail their assignment for that day. It's their choice.

M: No. Please. 

E: Okay, here. You will either have class for 4 hours on Friday, on the 10th (from 10-2) and you need to schedule that time, or you will have class on the 3rd. 

M: 4 hours!?

R: What about the afternoon? 

E: I don't believe anybody will show up in the afternoon.*** They will see it as optional. 

M: Let's reschedule the class on Monday

E: Nope, I can't do that. four hours straight or nothing.

R: We will talk to our classmates. 

I feel a little angry. I feel very upset; Ruth pulling the friendship card is what I'd expect of China. I guess I didn't realize our friendship was based on favors, and I'm not sure that she'd done me any favors, either. Usually my favors are from other people. So she's done me no favors and is suddenly asking for the biggest one- asking me to cancel a class that needs to have a class, a class that has misbehaved, and there's no benefit for me. I still have to wake up at 8. I still have to teach.

I guess this is the downside to calling your students friends. I'm not sure what more to say other than I'm really hurt, and hurt because I should have known better.

*I specifically changed the listening materials on my exam to have standard American and standard British accents. Last year there was a heavy Spanish accent that my students didn't understand, so I nixed that for this class. Also why we did accent listening earlier this semester.

** I have been much more relaxed about teaching this year mostly because I don't have the survey course again, which is me desperately trying to cram in as much info as possible into their brains because I don't have a book or guide to tell me what the students need to know.

*** I did have a class Friday afternoon. Many students would skip the class.