Touchy-Feely

The downside with being in China for so long, I think, is that the strange things no longer bother me. Rather, I don't even know when they're strange.

I cannot tell you the number of people who will randomly touch me. I think the weirdest time was when I was tutoring, when a girl reached for my solar plexus and patted it. "You're so soft," she said. She continued to do this for the next couple of times we met. Just patting. Just curious. I had no idea what to say in this situation, and I still don't.

I am a fat person. I am very soft. It is true. I am very heavy, too, but that doesn't seem to be so much of an issue- it's more of a novelty than "You lazy pig" vibe that I get from the States. So occasionally a person will talk to me and suddenly, if we're seated, will reach up and touch my arm or stomach. Never my butt and never my legs. It's also not dependent on if there are other people around.

It's so awkward for me. I usually freeze and ask what they're doing, and then they make a noise (not a word, I've checked) that I think means "soft" or "fat", I'm not sure. Occasionally I just let them keep doing what they're doing- it's weird, but they don't mean anything by it. Even one of the foreign teachers (not American) has touched my arm, mentioning how soft it is.

I'm always stuck between "this is uncomfortable" and "should I ask them to stop". Most of the time I just sit quietly, because it's not a creepy vibe I get from them- it's pure curiosity. After a minute or so, most people stop. Sometimes they'll pat me again just for a moment, but never any longer for a minute.

So there's my dilemma; nobody is touching me inappropriately, or in an inappropriate way, yet I'm still a little weirded out by it. Last year I made peace with it- I don't touch them back, I look at them strangely, and usually that reaction is enough to get them to back off. Otherwise they explain what they're doing and why my fat arm is so interesting to them.

I'm not too concerned about saying something, either, because China is touchy-feely. Growing up, I didn't want to hug or touch people- it was only in Japan, when I was touched by no one that I realized I was okay with hugs. As an American, I think, I really enjoy my personal space- and there is a lot of it. In China, however, personal space is nonexistent  just like living space. You put six to eight kids in a dorm room because you have to. You build up, not out. You cram all together on a bus because you all need to use the bus, and you have to awkwardly hope that the bus doesn't stop suddenly.

It's not just lack of personal space, though, it's also... I dunno, culture? People go walking arm in arm, dating or not (but not men and women unless they are dating). Many times I'll be walking with a girl and she'll randomly take my arm. It's a sign of friendship. To me, it's a sign of intimacy, though I'm not sure if that's just me or other people from the States as well. People are physical here. It's not personal.

Yesterday, though, my thoughts on this came to a sudden stop when I realized, helping a student work on her paper, that one of the students was patting my butt.

I couldn't begin to think. It was my all girl class, I remembered. I turned to look at her, giving her a puzzled expression, and she pointed out that I had dust all over my jacket. She wasn't patting my butt, I realized, she was trying to wipe the chalk dust from my clothes. She was doing me a favor.

This was easily solved by not leaning up against the chalkboard again and talking off my jacket and knocking the dust out by myself. I thanked her for letting me know.

How do you even respond to a situation like that?