Hey more topics about sexual education and sexual slang terms and you won't learn any here

(Here's a warning: in this post, I talk about sex again. Probably things on how I view sex is taught, how I explained sexual terms, and insights to the Chinese teaching of sex ed. If you aren't comfortable, don't read the following.)

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So.

So tonight for dinner I went out with different people than I usually do; Adam, a Chinese student I'm calling C and Ben who's been here before. It was a most tasty dinner. I didn't have eggplant, even though I know it is tasty. So tasty at this place.

It comes up that someone has a book of Dirty Chinese that some other teacher left (no longer at Henan), and C wants to take a look. She's curious, and she doesn't want to seem stupid. So we head back after dinner and we get's the book.

On the way there, I ask her if she ever learned about sex, and it turns out no, nobody taught her. In school, no sex ed. Her parents told her she was brought in from the country side. Until she was 16, C thought people reproduced like plants or trees, without sex.

I think this sort of thing is really dangerous. Here's why: When she would learn about sex, it would probably be in the act, and would she be able to keep herself safe? Maybe not. Maybe there would be nobody to teach her about condoms, nobody to tell her that if she doesn't orgasm it isn't her fault, nobody to tell her what orgasming *is*. There's no one to help her understand a side to herself that she has yet to discover, nobody to tell her how to be safe, nobody to tell her how to take care of herself even emotionally. Nobody has prepared her for the bedroom, which I feel, while probably not as mind-blowing as the modern media portrays it, still a huge cesspool of emotions and feelings and awkward (well, at least the first time) that happen. And you don't want those emotions and feelings stuck on, "Is this right? Is this normal? I feel disappointed. Maybe I'm supposed to?"

Or, "I can't orgasm, it must be my fault". Yet she'd never know if it was her fault, or maybe she doesn't orgasm through penetration, maybe she doesn't know herself well enough to help the guy she's with help her achieve orgasm. There are so many things, I feel, that are to be learned to have a really fun, enjoyable time together- but I don't think this sort of thing should be left only for the man. I think women are also responsible for their own sexual knowledge. I'm not saying C should go out and have sex. I'm saying C should read about safe sex practices, like wearing condoms, birth control (not available in China), spermicide, ect. Things that help her against disease and pregnancies. I'm saying C should know enough about her own body to know if something is going wrong in sex (first times hurt, but should they hurt that much? Is my hymen breaking? Am I bleeding too much?, ect.).

And I wonder about China, even with their one-child policy, how does a government inform its people on how to have safe sex? When you don't talk about it in school, when your parents don't want to talk about it, this leaves a huge gap where children, essentially, are left to experiment on their own. Without any guidelines, experimentation can be dangerous. Even if you were a virgin, and your partner were a virgin until you married, things can still go seriously wrong in sex, and it's uncomfortable to talk about.

So I wish it were more comfortable to talk about. I'm not talking about sharing your personal experiences (unless you and your partner are cool), but mentioning things like condoms, mentioning things like some people have what are called kinks, mentioning things like sex happens and you should learn about things that can make sex easier if you're having a difficult time (lube, for instance, or pillows for some easier access to places). Finding things on the internet is difficult. Who's giving good advice, and who's just trying to sell you something?

So I didn't mind explaining terms to C. Apparently I was really blunt. The teachers joked about Beijing trying to copy the "I <3 NY" shirt, with Beijing creating a shirt that says "I <3 BJ". And I had to explain what a "BJ" was. I think I explained it as simply as possible- "when a person puts a penis in their mouth."

C was disgusted.

But still curious.

So we ended up reading the book.

Not all of it, but It was interesting hearing the terms and explaining them "Ejaculation? Is that a disease?"

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Then we went to English corner. I try to come up with questions to ask the students (today, far too few foreigners went and we got swamped by Chinese students), and a bunch of girls were around me. It comes up that, as it does in Chinese, I am beautiful ("thank you" I always reply, even if I'm not so keen on believing it), and Do I Have a Boyfriend?

I answered honestly, which is "no."

But you know, I'm not going to let this opportunity slip by, because this could be a fun topic of conversation with an all-girl group. So I ask them the qualities they look for in a man. "Kind," was an option, as well as "tall" (sorry shorter guys), "polite", "friendly", "humorous". This was at least more interesting than "What kind of sports do you like", because many mentioned they're still too young to be involved with someone.

So then, students exhausted, I went to Will for some help. Partially to be annoying, partially to hear his response. "Will!"

"..Yes Eaaf?"

"Will, what do you look for in a boyfriend?" I asked, pausing. Then I added, "If you were a girl, that is." This caused the group he was with to laugh, but he looked thoughtful and replied.

"One who's not masochistic."

I laughed. I laughed so hard because I'd been explaining things like this and now I had to explain again. He didn't understand at first, but as soon as I laughed he understood well enough. "I'll leave it to you to explain," he retorted.

So I did. I explained (wrongly, at first, I missed sadism and masochism up but I fixed it), that sadists got sexually excited by making other people feel pain, and that masochists get sexually excited when they are in pain. Because Will brought it up, he was my example.

Then I explained why Will would be uncomfortable with a masochistic boyfriend if he had been a girl. Sadists and masochists are kind of an ideal situation- if they have each other. But that's not always the case, and you can't put people together just because one is the other- look at the class and the foreign teacher example I lived through on the first day of teaching.

I explained, we moved on to where the train station in Kaifeng was, and where to buy envelopes. I've not seen any since being in China. Granted, I'm still terrified of China Post and don't know when I'll write letters, but it's nice to know where things are.

Like socks.

I found out later, Will had meant to say "Chauvinistic". When I had laughed, he realized he'd said the wrong thing and there was nothing he could do after it left his mouth.

I cover for everybody, I guess.